dear younger me, it’s ok to make mistakes

if i could advice my younger self, i would tell her that it’s ok to make mistakes.

i used to think that when things don’t go as planned or when things happen and it’s not as what people have thought of me or for me, it’s a mistake.

like, i did a mistake. i should have done this, done that instead. i should have gone to uni instead of working, i should have continued pursuing business for lovefromlis instead of slowing down to focus on other parts of my life.

things like that.

and i would worry so much – what will happen next, what could happen next? it’s like i need to take calculated moves in life so that i could suffer the least calculated damage.

but life doesn’t work like that, and it’s just so easy to say but definitely not as easy to realise or even to learn about. we might know some facts of life but in reality, its more difficult to grasp those concepts than to really put it to practice.

there were a lot of things that i thought i could have done, or things that i should have done. in a parallel universe, i thought, probably i would be a different person with different achievements, and most probably, in a different place than i am right now.

but here’s a reality check again – just because things could have been different, it doesn’t mean that it would have been better.

and honestly, truth to be told – i wouldn’t want to be different than who i am right now.

my beliefs, values, memories – i want to choose it all again and again, just as how it has happened. all the good and the bad, yes even the bad.

because despite the bad, I’ve had so much goodness. and it has brought me here today, to where and who i am. and the bad – even though i despise it with my entire heart and being, with much regret for each action – it has indefinitely taught me life lessons, especially to be grateful of things, and to be a better human being in all aspects.

none of it was a mistake.

our lives are not a mistake. it is a series of conscious decisions and journey into this temporary world, that would eventually end and make way for something eternal, something much better than the hearts and eyes and minds can fathom or even think of.

and most importantly, this life has been curated so very carefully and thoughtfully by Allah سبحانه وتعالى, Allah the Most Just – who would never leave you to suffer or deem your life worthless, or even forsake you.

i feel comforted knowing that whatever is meant for me wont miss me, even be it underneath the mountains or deep in the sea, or even miles and miles away from where i am;

and that whatever is not meant for me will never be for me even if its in between my two lips, ready to be swallowed, or even be it in my between my fingers, in a grasp.

nothing is a mistake – it has all been decreed. our rizq – already destined for us in the wombs of our mothers.

wherever we go, truly, we hope for the guidance of our Rabb, of our ever wakeful and loving Lord, who will never let our lives go to waste.

alhamdulillah for everything – for what was, what will be, and everything in between.